Navigating the Holidays During and After Divorce:
How to Remain Thankful this Season
Co-parenting during the holidays can be challenging and stressful, but with thoughtful planning, communication, and a focus on your children’s needs, it can also be a joyful time for everyone involved. Here are some tips:
Plan Ahead:
Make a Plan:
If you don’t already have a holiday parenting schedule in place, start the conversation early. Waiting until the last minute will cause unnecessary stress and conflict between you and the other parent, which is often felt by your kids. Utilize a co-parenting app to discuss potential dates and plans. Most apps include a free shared calendar that makes scheduling easier for everyone.
If you do have a parenting plan, touch base with the other parent a few weeks in advance of the holiday and confirm the details of the plan. Make sure there are no questions about the exchange times and locations, as well as any items the children may need to bring them. Stick to the schedule, unless both of you agree, preferably in writing, to a modification.
If you anticipate holiday travels, even if it is out of town for one night, be sure to check the specific language of your parenting plan to ensure compliance with any notification requirements.
Stick to the Plan:
Whatever the plan may be – celebrating together with the other parent, splitting the day in half, or alternating the holiday each year – follow through the schedule that has been discussed and agreed upon. Don’t be late for exchanges or make last minute changes. This will only lead to everyone feeling frustrated. You cannot control the other parent and they may not respect the agreed upon schedule. As difficult as it may be, stay positive for the benefit of your kids.
Communicate the plan:
Let your kids know what the schedule looks like, so they feel prepared and less anxious. Create a calendar with your children so they have a visual representation of the plan. This also creates added incentive for both parents to stick with the schedule. It shows your children that you are able to put aside your differences and put their happiness first.
Kids First:
Focus on your Kids:
If this is the first holiday that your children will be spending with only one parent, they are likely feeling a lot of mixed emotions. Put yourself in their shoes and make decisions based on what will make this holiday special for them. Open up communication and ask your kids how they would like to celebrate. Be open to creating fun and new traditions!
Avoid Conflict:
Remaining calm and not engaging in disagreements can be extremely difficult, particularly when emotions are high, and the stress of the holidays is upon us. Keep disagreements away from your children and maintain a professional tone when discussing disputes. It is important for your kids to never act as a go-between for you and your ex, and to never be drawn into conflict. If an issue can wait until after the holiday, table the conversation until things have calmed down. With adequate planning and communication, last minute disputes can be avoided.
Allow Flexibility:
Nobody likes a party pooper, especially when you’re dressed as one for Halloween. Don’t let your disagreements with your co-parent bubble up in front of the children—it can kill the fun faster than a vampire at a blood drive. Keep your witching to a minimum and save any issues for private conversations, far from little ears of corn.
Maintain Perspective:
The holidays are about love and connection. Aim to create a warm and supportive environment for your kids. Stay positive, be flexible, and enjoy the opportunity to make new memories and traditions with your family.
By approaching the holidays with cooperation and compassion, you can make them a joyous and magical time for your children, while navigating co-parenting effectively.
Written by: Stephanie Exner
Stephanie joins the Denver team at Barrow Brown Carrington with 14 years of experience in family and child protection litigation. She has worked with families from all backgrounds, providing her with a unique understanding of the complex dynamics within family relationships. Known for her empathetic, client-focused approach, Stephanie has practiced throughout Colorado, including the Greater Denver Metro Area.
Specializing in Family Law and Child Protection, she is well-versed in the systems and regulations guiding child welfare agencies. With extensive experience before various judicial officers, Stephanie tailors her advocacy to each judge’s expectations while striving for creative, fair solutions that benefit her clients.
Learn more about Stephanie here.
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