Managing the holidays after divorce
How to Make This the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Christmas, Hannukah, and the wonder of the holiday season creates a unique opportunity to make new memories and traditions with your children. It can also highlight the fact that everyone’s lives have changed and some of the magic of the season is missing. Creating the magic for your children, while taking care of yourself, will help you navigate your way through the holiday.
Create the Holiday Spirit:
If this is the first Christmas or Hannukah you are celebrating post-divorce or separation, everyone is likely to be feeling anything but merry. Making the effort to find the joy and adopting the old adage of “fake it ‘till you make it” can have surprisingly positive results. Here are a few ideas to spark the holiday spirit, even if you aren’t feeling up to it:
• Get fun and festive. Make a list or jar of fun holiday activities to share with your kids. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but some festive ribbon never hurts. Write the activities on craft popsicle sticks – one for each day the kids are with you during the month of December, 12 days of Christmas, or 8 nights of Hannukah. Activities can include watching a holiday movie, baking cookies, or driving through the neighborhood looking at lights while drinking hot cocoa. Think of the activities your children have enjoyed over the years and come up with a few new ones that may just lead to new traditions.
• Decorate, Decorate, Decorate! Maybe you’ve moved into a new home recently and it just isn’t feeling like the holidays. A change in décor can be a fun activity to share with your children while also changing the mood of the space. If you are not wanting to go all-out in the common living spaces, letting the kids decorate their room will provide them with a sense of home and magic in a more manageable space.
• Lean on the ones you love. Perhaps you have a large extended family that celebrates big for the holidays, or a tight group of friends that have been with you through thick and thin. If you are struggling to bring the magic to your kids, rely on others to bring your kids to the magic. Utilize the time you have together to schedule a celebration of the season with friends and family. The day the holiday lands on matters less than the memories shared with loved ones.
Take Care of Yourself:
The holiday season is often painted with images of families gathering together, sharing meals, exchanging gifts, and creating memories. But for some parents, the holidays bring a different kind of challenge – being apart from their children. This can stir up many emotions, including sadness, loneliness, and guilt. It’s important to remember that it is normal to mourn the loss of having your children close, but equally important to find a balance between honoring those emotions and embracing what is possible during this time.
• Start a new tradition – for yourself. When separated from your children, take this time to do something just for yourself. Perhaps it is volunteering or spending the day doing something you enjoy but usually put aside. By shifting your focus, you can give new meaning to the season. Taking time for self-care, rest, and resetting your goals for the future can help you to connect with yourself and become a better version of yourself and an individual and a parent. The key is to avoid focusing on what is missing and instead create space for what can be.
• Stay connected. Even if you are not physically with your kids during the holidays, make sure to maintain a strong connection with them via phone and video calls, as well as small meaningful gestures to let them know you are there.
• Just keep swimming. The holidays might be tough when you are separated from your children, but it is also an opportunity to embrace change and make the most of what is in your control. Take each day as a new chance to do something for yourself or plan for the next big event with your kids. Put a smile on your face, even if you’re not feeling joy, and show your children what love and resilience look like. Get excited for the future and new adventures that await your family!
Conclusion
Whether you are navigating a new normal and creating family traditions, or spending the holidays on self-care and reflection, remember the holiday season is not confined to a single day or moment. It is an entire period of time, and an opportunity to create your own memories and experiences with your children.
Written by: Stephanie Exner
Stephanie joins the Denver team at Barrow Brown Carrington with 14 years of experience in family and child protection litigation. She has worked with families from all backgrounds, providing her with a unique understanding of the complex dynamics within family relationships. Known for her empathetic, client-focused approach, Stephanie has practiced throughout Colorado, including the Greater Denver Metro Area.
Specializing in Family Law and Child Protection, she is well-versed in the systems and regulations guiding child welfare agencies. With extensive experience before various judicial officers, Stephanie tailors her advocacy to each judge’s expectations while striving for creative, fair solutions that benefit her clients.
Learn more about Stephanie here.
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