UNDErsTANDING HOW DIVOrCE AFFECTS CHILDREN'S MENTAL HEALTH AND WAYS TO SUPPORT THEM THROUGH THE TRANSITION.
Divorce is one of the most emotionally challenging experiences a family can face. For adults, understanding the reasons behind the separation may be clear, but for your children, it often feels like their world is falling apart. The impact of divorce on your children’s mental health can be significant, leading to various emotional and behavioral challenges.
Divorce brings emotional trauma that affects both children and parents before, during, and after the separation. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) notes that many children show behavioral changes within the first year of separation. While most adjustment issues resolve within two to three years, the sense of loss can linger for much longer. It’s not uncommon for children of divorced parents to be at an increased risk of developing mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and behavioral problems. These challenges can continue into adolescence and adulthood, making it essential to address them early.
Your children will likely respond to the divorce in different ways. Younger children may become clingy or regress in their behavior, while older children and teenagers might express their emotions through anger, withdrawal, or even risky behaviors. In more severe cases, children of divorced parents have a higher risk of experiencing depression and suicidal thoughts. This makes it important to monitor your child’s mental health and seek help when necessary.
When your children are struggling with your divorce, their behavior often reflects their inner turmoil. Here are some signs that your child may be having a tough time:
• Academic difficulties: A sudden drop in grades or loss of interest in school can indicate emotional stress.
• Withdrawal from activities: If your child used to enjoy extracurricular activities but now avoids them, they may be feeling overwhelmed.
• Acting out: Increased aggression, defiance, or disruptive behavior can be cries for help. Children might not know how to express their emotions verbally, so they act out instead..
Beyond behavioral changes, emotional signs can also provide clues that your child is struggling with the divorce:
• Increased anxiety: First review your parenting plan and child support orders. Do they provide for the division of expenses? Are they in certain percentages?
• Depression or sadness: Share the responsibility of purchasing school supplies, clothing, and other necessities. If there are no orders regarding school supplies, it is always a good idea to chip-in on reasonable expenses.
• Social withdrawal: Determine how fees for sports, clubs, and other activities will be handled.
It’s important to remember that every child processes divorce differently, and these signs may not always be obvious. Staying observant and maintaining open communication with your children is key. It’s also important to realize that if your child is acting out or showing these signs, it doesn’t mean they’re abnormal – quite the opposite.
One of the most important things you can do for your child during a divorce is to communicate openly and honestly. Your children need to understand what’s happening in their family, but they also need reassurance that they are not to blame. When talking to your child about the divorce, use age-appropriate language and avoid placing blame on either parent.
It’s also crucial to avoid speaking negatively about the other parent in front of your child. This can create confusion and emotional conflict, leading to long-term psychological harm. Instead, focus on providing emotional support and reinforcing that both parents love them and will continue to be involved in their life.
Divorce can make your children feel like their world is unpredictable and chaotic. Establishing a stable routine can help counterbalance this uncertainty and provide a sense of security. Keeping consistent schedules for meals, bedtime, and school can give your children a much-needed sense of normalcy.
Additionally, continuing with activities they enjoyed before the divorce, such as sports, music lessons, or social events, can help maintain a sense of continuity in their lives. These activities provide not only routine but also a positive outlet for their emotions.
Professional counseling can be an invaluable resource for both you and your children during a divorce. Counselors are trained to help children process their emotions in a healthy way and can provide tools for coping with the changes in their family life.
As a parent, it’s important to recognize when your child needs more support than you can provide. If your child is showing signs of severe distress, such as prolonged sadness, anxiety, or changes in behavior, it’s recommended to seek help from a mental health professional. Alternatively, you can inform your child’s pediatrician of your concerns.
Counseling can also help you navigate your own emotions during the divorce, allowing you to better support your children. By addressing both your and your child’s mental health needs, your family can work towards healing together.
Encouraging a healthy relationship between your child and both parents is critical for their emotional well-being. Your children benefit from having strong, positive connections with both parents, even after a divorce.
It’s important to avoid using your child as a messenger or putting them in the middle of conflicts between you and your ex-spouse. This can lead to feelings of guilt, confusion, and divided loyalty. Instead, focus on co-parenting in a way that prioritizes your child’s needs and emotional health.
Divorce can be a challenging and emotional process for the entire family, but with the right support, your children can emerge from this experience with resilience and strength. By being aware of the signs of distress, maintaining open communication, and seeking professional help when needed, you can help your children navigate the complexities of divorce and support their mental health through this transition.
If you’re going through a divorce and need guidance on how to support your child, or if you have questions about child custody and family law matters, we’re here to help. Contact us today to schedule a consultation and get the support you and your family need during this difficult time.
Written by: Neal Baker
Neal M. Baker has been a member of the Kentucky Bar since October 2021. He earned his law degree, Cum Laude, from the University of Louisville Brandeis School of Law. Prior to law school, Neal obtained a Master’s degree in history from the University of Memphis in 2014 and taught history in Phoenix, AZ before returning to Louisville for law school. Neal served as a Judicial Staff Attorney and an Assistant Commonwealth’s Attorney for the 14th Judicial Circuit before joining Barrow Brown Carrington, PLLC, where he now focuses on family law in the Lexington, KY office and serves clients in Central and Eastern Kentucky.
Learn more about Neal here.
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